?

Log in

No account? Create an account

yes_ministerfic

Fic: Complications

« previous entry | next entry »
Apr. 17th, 2011 | 09:18 pm
posted by: oakmade in yes_ministerfic

Author: Oak
Pairing: Jim/Humphrey
Rating: R (semi-explicit sex)
Length: 2000 words
Content warnings: None applicable

Summary: On the train to Edinburgh, Jim and Humphrey go slightly off the rails.

Other notes: alessa0_0's beautiful Jim/Humphrey drawing (if you haven't seen it, CLICK THE LINK, CLICK IT NOW) inspired me, and I wrote this to go with it. Nastya, you're awesome <3

It's unbetaed and unBritpicked. And I'm not really sure if it's any good, but since I haven't finished the threesome fic... Also, it's porn. Read at your own risk :D



They exited the compartment in order of proximity to the door, until only Bernard and Sir Humphrey were left. Bernard flinched as he stood up, his hand going to the back of his head; "Something the matter?" Humphrey asked.

"I hit my head on the wall when Sir Frederick shoved me."

"I am sorry about that," Humphrey said. "Here, let me--" Bernard bowed his head and let Humphrey part his hair, probing delicately with his fingers. "Ah, there we are. You'll have a nasty lump tomorrow, but I shouldn't think it's too serious. There's an ice machine down the corridor, you ought to..."

Jim watched Humphrey fuss over Bernard, and, if he'd been asked, the only word he could've used to describe how he felt was 'complicated.'

If pressed, he'd have had to admit that the... complications had started when Humphrey walked into his compartment in his pajamas and dressing gown. He'd only ever seen Humphrey in suits and ties, and, before he'd been presented with contrary evidence, he wouldn't have guessed that Humphrey ever took them off. He'd never imagined him having pajamas; it was hard enough to picture him sleeping, unless it was upside down like a bat in a closet at the DAA. Jim had certainly never imagined him having a nickname. To be honest, the whole idea of Humphrey existing outside of Whitehall had taken him quite by surprise.

But it was reasonable to assume there was a Lady Appleby, and he was certainly old enough to have children--which would mean, by an inescapable logic, that he had some kind of sex life--

And just as that crossed his mind, Bill Pritchard came in, crowding them all even closer together, and Humphrey put his weight on the small shelf above the bed and leaned back, his body a long smooth curve, and Jim's train of thought went down entirely the wrong track, headed for a highly inappropriate destination.

He'd known the man for all of eight days, and quite suddenly he was looking at the dark hair on the backs of Humphrey's wrists and wondering how far up it went, wondering what he'd be like in the bedroom, how he'd move, how he'd taste--

The new job, the stress, this business with Charlie: obviously it was doing things to his head.

"Minister?" Humphrey said.

"Oh, I--ah--what?"

Humphrey sighed the sigh of the tragically put-upon. "Bernard was just asking if he might be dismissed."

"Oh. Yes. Yes, of course, I'm sorry, er... Goodnight, Bernard."

After Bernard had shut the door behind him, Humphrey said, "Now, Minister, in view of the position into which Her Majesty's government has been placed by your, ahem, policy decisions, I think the time may be ripe for a discussion of the particular boundaries of your ministerial--"

"The time is not ripe, Humphrey," he said. He had a strong feeling that the discussion in question wasn't one he wanted to have. Certainly not while he was in this... odd mood. "The time, you may notice, is half past seven, I still have my boxes to get through, and we will be arriving in Edinburgh at four in the morning."

"Nevertheless--it should be stressed that the subject would be best, ah, put to bed sooner rather than later."

If he wouldn't be put off, Jim thought, maybe he could be distracted.

"Put to bed," he said, sitting down on his. "Yes, quite, speaking of which--I wouldn't have pegged you as the purple-pajamas type."

Success: "They're not purple," Humphrey said indignantly, "they're indigo."

Jim scoffed. "Nonsense, indigo's not a real color. You're wearing purple pajamas, Humpy."

"Philistine," Humphrey said under his breath. Jim pretended not to hear him.

"Humpy," he said contemplatively. "How did you come by that nickname?"

Humphrey gave him a look that said I thought I'd plumbed the depths of your stupidity, but you've managed to surprise me. "I should have imagined its derivation from my given name was fairly obvious."

"So you didn't have to earn it?" Jim said, maintaining a straight face.

"I--what?"

He looked up at Humphrey innocently, and to his immense satisfaction a faint, delicate blush started to creep along Humphrey's cheekbones.

"Minister," Humphrey said, "ah, are you--is there--do you intend, at any point in the near future, to put trousers on?"

"No," he said, leaning back, his knees parted carelessly, "as a matter of fact, Annie didn't have time to pack for me this morning and I forgot my pajamas, so unless you've a spare set, I'm going to sleep in my pants. If that's all right."

"If that's--of course it doesn't make any difference to me, why on earth would--"

"I don't know," Jim said. "Why would it make a difference to you?"

It was the first time he'd seen Humphrey look genuinely flustered, and he was surprised by how much he enjoyed it.

"Humphrey," he said solemnly, holding back his smile, "I've had the feeling you've been having a colossal joke at my expense ever since I took office."

Humphrey was blinking rapidly, dark eyelashes fluttering against his cheek, but he collected himself enough to put on his obsequious face and say, "Oh, Minister, far be it from me to--"

"Let me finish," Jim said. "I'm not as stupid as I look, you know."

"Why, Minister," Humphrey said, his lips quirking at the corners, "I don't think you look stupid at all."

"There it is again," Jim said, "I can see it, you're laughing at me in your head." He sighed. "And yet, for some reason, I like you anyway."

Humphrey gaped at him, his hand reaching automatically to straighten his tie and twitching around empty air.

"You--what?"

"I like you," he said. "I enjoy your company. I want to know you better. Is there another way I can put it?"

"I--I really must be going, Minister," Humphrey said, "I have a great deal of work yet to do," but he didn't move.

"Do you?" Jim said, his eyebrows lifting. "I thought you were going to lecture me at length about my ministerial purview."

"I thought you were going to do your boxes."

"Stuff my boxes."

"That's Bernard's job," Humphrey said. His voice seemed to be getting progressively softer, hushed, almost shy.

"Very droll," Jim said. "It also occurs to me that I rather like your purple pajamas."

"Indigo," Humphrey said, nearly inaudibly, his eyes fixed on Jim's face.

I've gone mad, he thought. Round the twist. Crackers. Doolally.

Humphrey's fingers worked nervously in the fabric of his dressing gown, and his tongue flitted across his bottom lip.

Jim thought, Oh, hell.

"Humphrey," he said. "What I'm about to say is not an order. It is a request. You are entirely free to decline. Am I making myself clear?"

"Quite, Minister," Humphrey said, in that strange, quiet, almost dreamy voice.

"Good," Jim said. "Kiss me."

For a moment, neither of them moved; Humphrey looked at him, his face as pale as parchment and somehow just as delicate. And then, all at the same time, Jim tilted his head up and shifted forward to the edge of the bed and Humphrey crossed the compartment in one stride and put his hands to the sides of Jim's face just beneath his ears and before either of them had the chance to decide it was all a terrible mistake, their mouths met, lightly, and then much harder.

He felt almost as though something had hit him in the solar plexus and knocked out all his breath; he gasped, and leaned up for more, and when he felt Humphrey's tongue wander along the line of his lips, he opened his mouth to take it in and reached blindly for the belt of Humphrey's dressing gown.

Humphrey kissed, Jim thought, like a man who hadn't been kissed in a very long time. Gone was the polished English mask of his good manners; his hands pulled almost desperately at Jim's shirt and he was shivering, even though it wasn't cold in the compartment, and Jim wanted to ask why--why would someone with eyes like yours, someone with a smile like yours--why would someone like you be so starved for this?

But he didn't; he just pulled Humphrey into his lap.

He felt good there, heavy and hot and close in exactly the right places, and Jim kept still for just a moment and then went back to Humphrey's belt, which took him slightly longer than it should have to undo, because his hands were shaking.

When he pushed the dressing gown back and let his hand fall between Humphrey's legs, running his knuckles along the length of him, Humphrey breathed in sharply, moved--wriggled in his lap, and said, very softly, "Oh--please..."

"Please," and Jim kissed him, fiercely, as if to swallow the word and keep it, but then Humphrey seemed to catch himself, bit his lip to hold back a moan and said, "Minister, this is--we shouldn't--"

"Do you mean you don't want to?" Jim said very softly, canting his hips up, his mouth moving over the pale triangle of Humphrey's sternum that the wide collar left bare.

Humphrey went quiet for a few seconds, his breath rushed and warm against Jim's cheek, and then he said, "I mean we shouldn't."

"We'll be quiet," Jim said. "And quick." His hands roamed down the small of Humphrey's back and over his hips, pulling him closer, and Humphrey gasped. "To be perfectly honest, I don't think I could be anything but quick. God, you're--"

"Minister," Humphrey said, rough and low.

"You're gorgeous," Jim said, in between kisses along the white line of his neck. "The things I'd like to do to you, good Lord..."

The late-evening light was streaming in through the window, falling golden on Humphrey's cheek. His right hand searched for the curtain as if to close it, and Jim said, "It's all right, no one can see, the train's moving too fast," but Humphrey's fingers still twisted hard into the cloth and pulled as Jim thrust against him, grinding, pressing kisses to every patch of skin he could reach.

"Good?" he asked, knowing he didn't have to--the answer already there in the way Humphrey was trembling, the flush in his chest and neck and the helpless little noises he was making in Jim's ear--but wanting to hear him say it.

"Oh," Humphrey said, "yes, Minister--nngh--ah--yes--" And then he kissed Jim, open-mouthed and wet, as Jim's right hand slid up his thigh, tugging pants and pajamas out of the way and wrapping around the both of them.

They finished like that, rocking together like schoolboys, swallowing each other's cries. He hadn't come so hard, Jim would realize later, in an awfully, awfully long time.

Some of the details would be forgotten by that point, subsumed into a happy but confused generality of did all that really happen and how soon can it happen again? But the sounds Humphrey made just after, while his hands were still clutching erratically at the curtain and Jim's shirt and his thighs were still tight around Jim's waist, the decrescendo of high, lost, aching sounds--he would never forget them.

Humphrey let Jim hold him for a few seconds, or maybe he was too orgasm-wrecked to move, but just as Jim got enough life back in his limbs to pull him closer and reach for a kiss Humphrey slithered out of his embrace and stood up, pulling his dressing gown shut and knotting the belt very tightly.

"Humpy," Jim said. "You don't have to leave--"

"No, I--I can't, I--I've got to--Minister--"

He still felt peaceful and pliable and boneless, but there was something he was losing. He wasn't sure what it was or if he'd ever even had it before now, but he could feel it slipping away.

"Fix your hair, then," he said, softly, "before you go." Humphrey glanced at himself in the mirror and looked quizzical, and Jim said, "No, in the back--"

He wiped his hand on a towel, and then he stood up, behind Humphrey, and combed the curly silver hair back into place with the same fingers that had disordered it just a few minutes before. And Humphrey stood still and let him do it, and if Jim took slightly longer than the task really required, he didn't seem to notice.

And then, because he could, Jim tugged Humphrey's collar down, and kissed the nape of his neck. Humphrey's spine went ramrod straight, and he heard him swallow hard.

"All right," Jim said gently. "It is late."

Humphrey said, "Minister--" And for a second those bottomless brown-black eyes were fixed on him, searching; but then he opened the door, silently, and left the compartment.

Jim sat down and listened to Humphrey's footsteps, which stopped just outside the door, and there was a long pause before Jim heard him walk away.

He was tired, and his lap was cold where Humphrey wasn't in it anymore. He sat still on the edge of the bed with his eyes shut for a moment, and then exhaled deeply and ran his fingers through his hair.

So it wouldn't be easy. Silly of him to think anything would be easy, with Humphrey involved.



ENDNOTES
Got a little angsty there at the end. Sorry about that. Humphrey is slightly angsty in my head. ._.;

It was incredibly difficult for me not to include Bernard in this. Apparently I hold a strong subconscious conviction that if anyone's getting laid, it ought to be Bernard.

Link | Leave a comment | Share

Comments {34}

alessa0_0

(no subject)

from: alessa0_0
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 07:25 am (UTC)
Link

is this a real world? :D

I mean I'm so thrilled - yeeey new fic!!! (and my favorite pairing).
will write smth more specific after reading but THANK YOU already <3 <3 <3

Reply | Thread

alessa0_0

(no subject)

from: alessa0_0
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 11:42 am (UTC)
Link

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SUMPTUOUSLY!
you've made my day (and I thought Monday can't bring any good %)
I'm so proud my drawing inspirited to write this story!
and little angst in the ending is highly suitable and no harm at all (in fact I like angsty Humphrey very much).
you are the best ~______~ (and this fic is one of my favorites now)
*:--☆--:*:--☆:*:--☆--:*:--☆--:

Reply | Thread

Oak

(no subject)

from: oakmade
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 05:42 pm (UTC)
Link

I am very happy to bring you a good Monday! It would never have happened without your amazing picture. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep drawing, and I'll keep writing v^_______^v

Reply | Parent | Thread

alessa0_0

(no subject)

from: alessa0_0
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 05:29 pm (UTC)
Link

I couldn't resist and draw little picture slightly related to your wonderful fic ;D

Reply | Thread

Oak

(no subject)

from: oakmade
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 05:39 pm (UTC)
Link

OMG

HIS LITTLE SOCKS

Nastya, I know this is a bit sudden, but I think we should get married. I mean, I hate to break my boyfriend's heart, but he has NEVER drawn me a picture of Bernard in his pajamas.

<3

Reply | Parent | Thread

alessa0_0

(no subject)

from: alessa0_0
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 05:53 pm (UTC)
Link

YES! If I ever get married it is only with you lol
and I even don't mind you'll keep meeting your boyfriend if we get married (but not every day of course) - I'm pretty openminded lol

Reply | Parent | Thread

Oak

(no subject)

from: oakmade
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 06:16 pm (UTC)
Link

It's a plan. I'll explain things to the BF and we can meet in, um... Iceland? That's about halfway... Actually, it might be better if I don't explain things to him, he's not very openminded XD (I'll just tell him, "Hey, we've been together almost 5 years, you had your chance.")

Reply | Parent | Thread

alessa0_0

(no subject)

from: alessa0_0
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 06:23 pm (UTC)
Link

Iceland is very good choice ^__^

Reply | Parent | Thread

Oak

(no subject)

from: oakmade
date: Apr. 18th, 2011 06:30 pm (UTC)
Link

I shall have no other internet wives before thee. <3

Reply | Parent | Thread | Expand

Kathleen

(no subject)

from: steveshot
date: Apr. 28th, 2011 06:28 pm (UTC)
Link

Due to my being busy, I've failed completely to comment on this fic....

From oakmade:



It was incredibly difficult for me not to include Bernard in this. Apparently I hold a strong subconscious conviction that if anyone's getting laid, it ought to be Bernard.



I'm going to have to agree with you there. Me too... although, he'd be rather bashful of it....

I honestly do not know what to say other than... wow. Um, I'm rather bashful myself, I guess.

If I had words to say, I assure you they would be all good. Just, I'm speechless... this is awesome! Thanks for posting this!

Reply | Thread

Oak

(no subject)

from: oakmade
date: Apr. 29th, 2011 02:08 am (UTC)
Link

Oh, I'm so pleased to hear from you! I was a little afraid you'd read it and didn't like it ._.; You're very welcome, although you should really thank alessa0_0 instead of me--if she hadn't drawn that gorgeous picture I would never have written this.

I'm going to have to agree with you there. Me too... although, he'd be rather bashful of it....

Which would make it all the better :D Oh, Bernard. <3

Reply | Parent | Thread

Kathleen

(no subject)

from: steveshot
date: Apr. 29th, 2011 05:46 pm (UTC)
Link

Now way. Love it! It's just... writing papers got in the way and that, in its own, is a fairly lame excuse on that.

I think it's both of you, if that's okay. Both you and alessa0_0... I keep thinking to that picture and start getting the shivers. I don't know if I could ever imagine Bernard like that too much. I don't know why. The innocence of his character, maybe? Like I can see it, but can't. Ah, you know what I mean. It's hard to explain.

Yeah... Bernard. *sigh* I'd rather him just flirt a whole lot, then get bashful, then... eventually... maybe... you know. *blush*

Edited at 2011-04-29 05:47 pm (UTC)

Reply | Parent | Thread

Oak

(no subject)

from: oakmade
date: Apr. 30th, 2011 05:19 am (UTC)
Link

No, it's fine! Writing papers is a TOTALLY legitimate excuse to not leave feedback on fic. Sometimes I'd like to pretend that fandom is the most important thing in the world, but I fully understand that it isn't.

Hey, it's an established canon fact that Bernard likes sex--he'd like it to be government-subsidized :D

Reply | Parent | Thread

alessa0_0

(no subject)

from: alessa0_0
date: Apr. 30th, 2011 08:53 am (UTC)
Link

(suddenly): - YES it's canon ;D
btw I draw smth with Bernard and hope it wouldn't ruin the show for some fans here %)

Reply | Parent | Thread

Kathleen

(no subject)

from: steveshot
date: Apr. 30th, 2011 10:57 pm (UTC)
Link

lol.. you guys always ruin things. ;) Then again, I just think of Rule 34. I try to think it doesn't exist, but it always exists, so I just try to deal with it. *wink wink nudge nudge* lol!

You're right, oakmade, he does (he really does, I'm sure), but I think he's just being a pain in the ass. Always is. I think that's why I like him so much. But, it's probably true, but he's always joking, too. I think he just loves to get a rise out of Sir Humphrey and Hacker. lol...

I'm not too sure, but I bet he's a bit of a wallflower, lets the other person talk more because he's very modest and doesn't think he has too many interesting things to say. Although, I think he does, but some of the stuff he says goes over my head because I'm a bit of a blonde (because I am!). He's extremely interesting to me (don't hate me, I just like the geeks... or Greeks. ha ha One could say a geeky Greek would geek me out!) er... I'm going to shut up now. :)

I'm not sure. I think someone should write that out though. Not me, in other words. I'm a terrible writer! :D

I'd love to know what you guys think.

Reply | Parent | Thread | Expand